Thoughts from the Alt-Middle Part 4: Offensiveness

I don’t consider myself to be a Republican or a Democrat. I tend to take all of my social and political issues on a case-by-case basis. I don’t think I’m better than anyone for that. I’m just reasonable. And with all this talk about the alt-right and alt-left destroying mainstream politics, there’s another group out there who has begun to feel left out. We are the alt-middle.

Has something offended you lately? Maybe someone’s actions or words really got to you. That’s called life. Sometimes people do and say things that make you sad. And while you may want to lead a crusade to make the word as safe and non-offensive as it can possibly be, you just won’t. Everything in life is offensive. Here’s why:

3. Not Everyone Sees Things the Same Way You Do

Regardless of how much you were coddled as a kid, the world doesn’t have to agree with you. In fact, the world has every right to disregard everything about you. You can’t expect to have everything handed to you. You do have to make an effort to assimilate.

No I don’t.

Just because your parents never told you ‘no’ doesn’t mean the rest of the world does too. If you’ve never lived anywhere but inside your own city or state, you cannot fathom this. But guess what? Cultures are different. People are offended by things you do, you just don’t realize it because you’re so uncultured that you haven’t made an effort to learn about someone else’s life.

2. The World Shouldn’t Have to Adhere to Your Point of View

You’re not special. The term “snowflake” isn’t endearing to highlight your unique presence in the world. You know what happens to enough snowflakes that gather together? They get peed on by a kid who thinks he’s funny. If something offends you, get over it. It happens. Free speech is a fact of life and it applies even to those you disagree with.

No it doesn’t.

Even more, if you’re in the minority, you shouldn’t expect to have something changed to fit your lifestyle. For example, if you’re one of 10 people offended by Labradoodles, you can’t rightly expect the world to get rid of those dogs so you can be offended by one less thing.

1. Everything Can Be Offensive in a Certain Light

The most recent famous example is the woman who got offended by Hobby Lobby for selling a piece of cotton. Maybe she was trolling, maybe she was serious. But other people jumped on board all because slaves used to pick cotton and that’s obviously the sentiment Hobby Lobby was trying to portray.

Well, if we’re going to start nitpicking every decoration for being offensive, let’s just get rid of everything that can be deemed offensive. Let’s get rid of practically all crops like tobacco, rice, beans, potatoes, etc. because slaves harvested those things. Let’s get rid of skyscrapers because 9/11. Let’s get rid of cars because Dale died in one.

Raise hale, praise Dale amirite?

Better yet, let’s get rid of all white people. I think that would solve all of the problems.

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