John Makes You Mad Part 3: Wages

Since we’re well into another wonderful (read: terrible) election season, I thought I’d join the ruckus of self-entitled nitwits spewing their opinion online as if people actually cared and as if what I have to say is really that important. Also, because sometimes I just like being a prick, I wanted to say a lot of things that really outraged a select group of people because that’s fun for me. But please understand this: Nothing in this series is my way of taking a stand one way or another, even though it probably seems like it. Rather, I’m simply questioning why such things are even a big deal.

Money is always a big issue. On one hand, we want more money in our pockets. On the other hand, we would love to live in a utopian world where the government provided free healthcare, free schooling, and even provided everyone with a job. The problem with the latter world (other than that it usually comes from self-entitled, glossy eyed hipsters with no clue as to how the real world works) is that we don’t want to pay the insane amount of taxes required to make it possible. But where does the money come from other than us?

NOWHERE, because money is confusing like that. Sure we can print all the money we want, but for some reason that doesn’t solve all the problems. We’re somehow in debt and I’ll never understand why or how because I’m not a numbers guy. That being said, there are two primary arguments in the country regarding how we get more money.

1. Equal pay for women

Women only make about 70% as much as men. But really, if you think about it, if you’re a woman and you’re married, in a relationship, or a casual dater, you make that other 30% up in free drinks, free meals, vacations and weekend getaways, Valentines Day, Mother’s Day, your birthday, Christmas, Easter, summer solstice (because why not?), and more. And really, it’s entirely possible that you end up recouping more in the end depending on how hot/conniving you are.

Actually makes 150% of what a man makes.

Actually makes 150% of what a man makes.

I’m kidding, of course. Equal pay for everybody.

2. Raising the minimum wage

This is really the more infuriating issue. If you’re 30 and still working at McDonald’s as something other than a manager then something is seriously wrong. I’m guessing it’s because you didn’t pay attention in school and now you’re just a simple dirtfoot can kicker that just glides through life with practically nothing. Those low level, minimum wage jobs are designed to help people build the basic skills required to work more real jobs, not sustain you for your entire life.

I didn’t go to college and get a master’s degree** just to barely make more than someone who still can’t figure out how not to get burned each time he drops a new batch of fries. A living wage is great, sure. $15 an hour? Only if that means I make $50 an hour so the ratio stays the same. And either way, the ratio of what you earn versus how much you end up keeping will still stay the same because McDonald’s will have to raise that dollar menu to the $5 menu in order to pay you.

**Basically the same value as an associate’s degree from a really good community college

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