4 Bad Things About Being Bald

So earlier this month I discussed the benefits of being a bald guy. But as with everything, there are some negatives. After all, I’m already overweight and pale – so my baldness could be a sign that I’m a walking bushel of recessive genes, and that’s not something that gets the ladies excited. But it doesn’t stop there.

4. I Look Much Older Than I Really Am

At the time I’m writing this, I’m 25 years old. But looking at pictures of me you might guess I was already in my 30s, maybe even my 40s if you’re being a dick about it. And sure that might come in handy if you respect older people. You might think I’m full of wisdom and fun stories. But when you find out I’m still in my mid 20s, it’s just a little sad.

3. There’s Nothing to Stop the Sweat

It doesn’t take much for me to break a sweat. There are several instances where I could be walking to my car or standing in line at the grocery store where I’ll suddenly begin to push salty beads of water off my forehead. And the problem with that is if I don’t act fast, it can easily just become a stream of acid water into my eyes like rain running down a window pane.


Perfect for pretending to be an NBA player.

At least when you have hair, a good amount of it gets absorbed so before long you look like a professional wrestler coming into the ring (side note: Why do they do that?).

2. There’s More Area to Sunburn

When I went out on my big road trip, my left arm and left knee were sunburned after the first day. Had my car come with a sunroof, the top of my head would certainly have been burned as well. That’s something new I’ve had to worry about. I can no longer go to an outdoor event without wearing a hat or else shaving becomes a nightmare for the next week.


Imagine dragging a razor over that. Have you ever put your hand on a hot stove out of necessity? It’s like that.

1. You’re Part of a Weird Brotherhood

I know what you’re thinking – “What’s so bad about sharing a fraternal bond with other guys?” I’ll tell you. I didn’t sign up for that. It’s not like I’m a Jeep owner, a Harley rider, or a member of the Klan. I didn’t choose the bald life. The bald life chose me.

You can still choose us if you want.

You can still choose us if you want.

And sure, I guess technically I chose to be bald. But the alternative was having a bald spot and an uneven hairline. Yeah, that’s a good look to have at 25. So my logic is that my genes didn’t give me a great choice, and going bald was the lesser of two evils.

%d bloggers like this: