Politics, Because Why Not?

Here’s the thing: I hate politics, on all levels. It seems like it isn’t so much about doing what’s right anymore, but rather just getting your way and stroking your ego. You also can’t really discuss politics because it quickly devolves into chaos and name-calling. That being said, sometimes you just have to talk about it because you feel like pissing people off.

I grew up around staunch Republicans, and when it comes to fiscal responsibility, I’m on board. But sometimes, there are certain Republicans that say and/or do things that really make me face-palm. Hence why I consider myself an Independent because I can’t shove my head far enough up my own butthole to be a liberal. Being conservative or liberal isn’t so much a philosophy as it is a lifestyle. If you’re a conservative, it’s almost a must that you own several guns and use religion as your basis for literally everything. If you’re a liberal, you hang out in coffee shops, wear skinny jeans, and pretend to care about the environment. Politically, everyone would be better suited to take things on a case-by-case basis. Sometimes, the other side is totally right.

Comedian Louis CK did a bit called “Of Course, but Maybe,” where he took situations that he believed in, but made a controversial-but-logical counterargument (at least that’s how I interpreted it). And so, I’m taking his idea and applying it to politics, showing you how both sides make good points and that maybe we should try working together. These will get progressively more controversial. You’ve been warned.

Of course we should monitor what’s going on overseas. Of course. After all, it could prevent future terrorist attacks, we can help negotiate treaties, we can build relationships and gain allies with other countries. Of course we should be involved overseas. But maybe…if we didn’t have our nose in everything and just kept to ourselves then we wouldn’t have to worry about other countries hating us and trying to kill us all the time.

Of course you can let your religious beliefs shape your political philosophy. Of course you can. After all, religion is at the very least a moral framework to base your life. It establishes good, solid rules to live by. But maybe…maybe you shouldn’t tramp that down people’s throats that don’t believe in your religion. After all, are you governing yourself or are you trying to control everyone around you? So let others do without your religion. Maybe they’ll just go to hell. What do you really care?

Of course marriage is between a man and a woman. Of course it is. It’s how humanity has done it since the beginning of time. It’s natural. The parts match up. But maybe…if a dude wants to marry another dude, it’s not really going to affect your life in the slightest. It certainly isn’t going to destroy the sanctity of marriage anymore than your cousin with the children she had out of wedlock has done already after getting married at 18, divorced at 20, then married again at 22, only to divorce again at 27. You can’t tell me she did it right while Tad and Derek are still an abomination.

Of course marijuana is a drug that impairs people. Of course it does. But maybe…if you legalize it and regulate it like you do alcohol, it’s not going to do anything except put a nice dent in that national debt. DUIs don’t just apply to alcohol. And I’m pretty sure any smart company has policies that say you can’t show up to work drunk (or high). Plus, you’ll probably get rid of people talking about it and celebrating 4/20 like it’s Cinco de Mayo.

Of course you can own a gun. Of course you can. The Second Amendment says so. Guns are fun to shoot and you can hunt animals with them like you still live in the 1800s and whatever. It’s also a valuable tool for self-defense for that one time you may need to use it in self-defense. But maybe…maybe you don’t need a whole arsenal with half a dozen handguns and a few assault rifles. Maybe that’s too much. Maybe that’s what a crazy person would have.

Of course abortion is murder. Of course it is. That little thing in there is alive. Of course it is. But maybe…maybe it’s not my place as a guy to tell a woman what she can and can’t do with her body and the things that grow inside of it.

And yet we are destined to be black-and-white on everything, never to cooperate. Yay America!

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