As part of putting together my new website, I went back to my old BlogSpot site and looked to see if any of my old content was worth moving over. Because I’m not a hoarder by any means, out of close to 150 entries I had written since 2009, fewer than 30 made the cut – and most of those were written fairly recently. The progression I noticed in myself in terms of my writing and train of thought wasn’t exactly staggeringly large, but it was noticeable.
I graduated high school and hit the ground running much the same way a dog sprints away after being released from his leash. I had no filter. I actually had the freedom to say whatever I wanted without the fear of suspension or expulsion – a threat I had been placed under mostly through the actions of irresponsible people around me – and I intended to make the most of it. I also didn’t have to pretend to like certain people or say what was expected of me in order to stay in line.
Of course I pissed off a lot of people, but the upside was that several people agreed with me, which made me feel a little like their heroic spokesperson. Now I see how incredibly maniacal it was, but I wouldn’t say I’m ashamed. It wasn’t my fault. It was a product of the environment. Over time I cooled off and I stopped talking about religion and trying to explain those double standards and instead began focusing on relationships and how depressing that was. If there was something I’m a little embarrassed about, it would be that.
The problem with talking about relationships was that, for starters, I was talking about something I had only a fraction of experience in. And it wasn’t so much sage-like wisdom as it was advice to not do what I did, even if I didn’t do anything (which may have been the problem). It was in those moments of my life that I needed myself from 3 years in the future to appear in front of me and say, “Hey! Quit crying you pansy. It gets better. Not much better, but it gets better.”
And so I have progressed from aggressively attacking religious hypocrisy and being really emotional and depressing to finding my voice – a combination of knowledge, irreverent humor, and just enough of a desire to inform people about what’s really going on versus letting people walk around wrong and ignorant. Sometimes it’ll be political, other times religious; sometimes I’ll write about relationships, or maybe just about life. And while I can’t promise I won’t be militant when the urge compels me, I can promise that it will be of substance and not nearly as good as my published work, which you should totally check out.
It’s not a new era for me. Rather, it’s simply the way it’s supposed to be. Thanks for stopping by.