I know what you’re thinking – “Hey stupid, what do you know about adult relationships?” Well, you have a valid question, but I know more than you might think. And we’ll just leave it at that.
See, there’s a reason people say relationships with your high school sweetheart rarely work out – it’s because people change. It’s why getting married before you’re in your 20s rarely works out – people change. And the change generally comes right around age 21, when people hit a wall (often times when they’re drunk) and really begin to mature, shed their old habits, and create new ones.
There is a caveat to this. Just because I differentiate between adult and high school relationships, I don’t necessarily mean age. A girl in her mid-twenties can still exhibit high school tendencies; it’s more about the mentality. Girls in high school can just as easily be really mature.
Now, before you start to send me hate mail and giving me your life story about how you made it even though you married your high school girlfriend at 19, hear me out. You may very well be a statistical anomaly. Good for you. You beat the system. But here are the differences…
Probably one of the best things about adult relationships is that you don’t have to constantly tell your other half how much you love them or how not fat they are or how they’re the best you’ve ever had simply because they need that continual affirmation rather than you voluntarily saying such sweet nothings. Because here’s the thing – unless you and your girlfriend whored it up in high school before you two got together, you’re likely some of the first people each of you have ever had. And that’s a problem.
People need to experience other people so they can learn what they like and don’t like. If you’ve only had one real relationship, you tend to try to cram everything you think you want and need into that one person, and when it doesn’t work out the way you thought it would, the relationship becomes strained for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
By the time you’ve become an adult, you’ve likely made over half of your life’s awful decisions in just a 4-6 year span. It’s almost like settling, but not really. You make compromises and you choose someone who has a lot of what you’re looking for, with room still to grow and become even better. It isn’t depressing by any means. It’s actually exciting because you know you’re getting what you like, and you still have the opportunity to make it better.
And this person you end up choosing, if they’re an adult, is done with the games and the petty circumstances that make immature chicks completely unattractive. It’s all about confidence. It also makes you feel a lot better when you actually tell her she looks good and how much you love her on your own without her begging it out of you. You also find a good middle ground where you’re happy – somewhere between her drawing blood every time you’re together and crying after you’re both finished.
Probably the cool thing about being an adult and in a relationship is that you don’t necessarily have to tell anybody or inundate your Facebook page about your relationship because it isn’t as big of a social power move as it was in high school. In fact, you can be dating the biggest loser or the most popular girl from her old high school and it wouldn’t make a bit of difference either way.
This is because college is a lifesaver in this sense. Whether you were the biggest loser or not, once you get to college, you get to push the reset button and become who you really want to be without other people dragging you down. Often times it’s the high school loser that turns his life around and becomes something great. Those who were the popular kids in high school either peak and burn out, becoming the fat wino you see underneath the bus stop as you drive back through your old hometown in your convertible, or they stay on the same path, get involved in all sorts of social groups on campus, and maintain a fair level of popularity.
The main point is that a mature adult isn’t dependent on others for their continued approval and admiration. They don’t need to be constantly reassured that what they’re doing is not just acceptable, but awesome. It also helps when they don’t expect everything out of you – that they’re so dependent on you for everything that you lose a lot of your own privacy because they lack the independent spirit and can’t leave you to yourself for a day.
2. Adults Are Smarter.
One of the problems with high school relationships is that most of them are based purely off of physical attraction. Because let’s face it, when you’re sixteen, you’re so consumed with raging hormones that you just want to stick body parts in anything that looks like it would feel remotely pleasurable. Even your first couple of years in college are like that. After all, college girls are infinitely hotter than high school girls. But that’s beside the point.
See, at some point, usually when the big change happens, you lose the desire to shove it in everything because you realize that at some point you have to have an actual conversation with her. And what happens then? You can’t talk football to her because she’ll make you question everything you’ve ever thought about life. You certainly don’t want to talk about the God awful garbage she watches on TV. And you definitely don’t want to keep listening to her blab on about whatever drama she’s got because you can’t remember which one of her whore friends did something crazy this time.
So what happens? You find an adult who can think on her own and hold an intelligent conversation about her day or her career. Sure she may not know anything about football, but she’s willing to learn. She doesn’t have as many whore friends as she used to, and at this point in the game, she only tells you the most outrageous stories about them so it’s easier to slap a mental tag on them for whenever you see them.
1. Adults Don’t Care.
When I say adults don’t care, I mean this: Along the way, you figure out what matters and what doesn’t. You’ve been through enough relationships that you get to a point where you say to yourself: “Well, if they don’t like it, they can go somewhere else.”
Almost all of us have done this: We’ve rolled out the most perfect version of ourselves every time we go out with a significant other because we’re so paranoid about what they’d think about us in every day life. We put on our best clothes. Girls cake themselves in makeup. Guys actually try to not be chauvinist or gross.
Why? Because we’re afraid to be ourselves. We don’t burp or fart or do anything remotely disgusting or anything that showcases our true personality because we’re scared of running someone off or have them think less of us. But something happens. You come to a point where you stop caring. Maybe you’ve just gotten so comfortable with yourself or around other people, but you get to a point where none of it matters because screw them if they can’t deal with it.