We all have had or will be in a relationship at some point, and when you got it going on its one of the best things in the world. But, unfortunately, every relationship ends. You either die, or you get dumped (or do the dumping).
6. If She Wasn’t Ready for a Relationship
This is one girls are notorious for. Guys, we’ve all seen it. They’ll get on Facebook and Twitter and whine and complain and whine and complain about how they want a certain type of guy, or just a boyfriend, or even just a date.
So here you come Mr. Knight-in-Shining-Armor, and you take her out, the interest is mutual and growing, and you get into a relationship. All of a sudden, a month later, she dumps you.
Turns out girls don’t exactly know what they want. And they’re really crazy (but we’ll talk about that later (it’s called foreshadowing)).
See, television has romanticized the boy-girl relationship to an unbelievable extent, and it seems like girls are always looking for that television romance. You know, the relationship where they never show you the awkwardness after the deed has been done. And it’s not just teenagers anymore. I’ve seen ten year olds acting like they’re married. What’s even scarier is that they’re having sex more than married couples.
So as guys, we’re up the creek on this one because girls don’t know what they want, but they’ll string us along for the ride anyway because it is their sole intent in life to make us want to kill ourselves. There’s a reason women outlive men. And there’s a reason no woman ever finishes the quote “Behind every good man, there’s a good woman.” Why? Because there’s a “…waiting to claim that life insurance check.”
But let’s be honest here. As a guy, you wooed the lady and got a month-long relationship out of it. But it’s not as bad as…
5. If There’s Another Guy
Obviously, I’m not going to talk about if your girlfriend is cheating on you. That’s too obvious and if you think your relationship is going to work out after she cheats on you then you should have your balls cut off because you are not a man. No, I’m talking about the pre-relationship process, when you’re talking to a girl, getting to know her, and waiting for your opportunity to pounce.
But, wait, she’s also talking to another guy (or two, or three). But there’s hope. You haven’t been friend zoned yet, and she says there’s still hope and that she wants to think things over (because, you know, you’re such a great guy). Oh wait…
Why It Didn’t Work:
If you’re the first person she sees that day, and then leaves you to go hang out with them, count your losses because you’re done.
See, what you don’t know about those other guys she’s talking to (beside the fact they’re douche bags) is that in her eyes, they are better than you at everything (except being a great guy, which, she can change, right?). And being that great guy, who gets demoted to the friend zone and bakes cakes and cookies with her to take to her boyfriend right before he drills her, there’s nothing you can do about it.
See, being that nice guy is as useful as having a penis attached to your face – you might as well just stay inside because you won’t get anywhere in life. There’s a reason there’s a saying “Nice guys finish last,” because the douche bags get in first and finish first…if you know what I mean.
But if you’re a nice guy, you’ve already lost and it’s actually not your fault. Its hormones. Research has been done about girls’ hormones causing them to choose douche bags. Why? Because girls are stupid and think that because a guy is an dick in public, then he must be amazing in the bedroom.
Guys, here’s a little secret: girls secretly like to be dominated. The whole feminist equality mumbo jumbo junk is a public facade. They may want to be respected and worshipped in public, but behind closed doors, they want their hair pulled and be ravaged all throughout the night.
And guys, don’t fall for that crap line some girls say: “Oh I want a nice guy, I don’t like douche bags.” You know what they want a nice guy for? A friend. Because these are girls that are all independent and don’t need no man’s attention.
But let’s say you get into a relationship, and things are going good. But then…
4. She Stops Caring
Girls, if there was ever a point applicable to guys, this would be it, but I digress. For those of us guys who have been in a lengthy relationship, remember when you’d be so excited to pick her up on a date, you’d actually show up 15 minutes early, and she’d still be ready to head out the door looking like a supermodel?
Then a few months later after the shine wore off, you show up on time and she hasn’t even started getting ready yet? And when she does come out, she’s in a baggy t-shirt and jeans looking like this:
Why It Didn’t Work:
This isn’t necessarily a deal breaker by any means, but remember, these are just warning signs that your relationship is doomed. And it may take more than a few months. But when you two start feeling just sooo comfortable around each other that you can do just about anything around each other…start the clock.
Remember, you’re not married. And one of the great disappointments of marriage is finding everything out about each other that you don’t like. But when you’re in a relationship, at first, everything she does is just so cute and sweet. Ok, give it a while. When she stops caring, those things she does that are just so cute and sweet become unbearably annoying and give you thoughts of smothering her with your pillow at night.
It rubs off too. When she stops caring, you stop caring, and the relationship turns into a monotonous bore fest. But it can be interesting if…
3. She Has Borderline Personality Disorder
This is a polite way of saying she’s crazy (BOOM, we have come full circle). See, some girls are crazy, and when they’re crazy, the relationship suffers. A girl with daddy issues can be hot at first, and you can reap those benefits. But wait a while until you’ve replaced daddy and you’re the brunt of all her anger. It’s not fun anymore.
Why It Didn’t Work:
In layman’s terms, borderline personality disorder works like this: On a scale of one to ten on the level of pisstivity, something that goes wrong could put a normal person on a 3. To someone with borderline personality disorder, this sets them on a 13. And no, this isn’t a dig at PMS because I’ve known some girls who were able to keep that under control.
People with BPD can be violent, or just emotionally unstable. If you get to a point in your relationship where those playful slaps she gives you actually have some intent to hurt behind them, you’ve got a problem, and you’ll end up on Jerry Springer.
Domestic violence isn’t super funny, and just because guys aren’t allowed to hit girls doesn’t mean they can’t be victims. If she’s getting pissed at you over small things (yeah, I know girls, its sooo much bigger than that), then you need to get out.
2. If She Says She Doesn’t Love You Anymore
One of the most devastating things you can hear in your lifetime is someone saying they don’t care about you anymore. Even if they realize what they said and try to take it back, you know the first thing they said is what they subconsciously truly felt.
What makes it hurt more is when you’ve done everything you could possibly do to provide for her and make her feel loved all while balancing everything else going on in your life. And there are multiple ways she can convey the fact that she doesn’t love you anymore. She can say she doesn’t care about you like she used to, she doesn’t feel the same, or, the real ball buster, she sees you like a brother.
Why It Didn’t Work:
There are a lot of different reasons why it may not have worked. You could’ve been together too long. Maybe your personalities have changed and you’re just not who you used to be. Whatever it is. There is one thing that’s for sure: It’s over.
When a girl makes up her mind, it’s a done deal. She’s not going back. It may take her a year to decide, but when she does, it’s pretty much set in stone. It may have been the greatest relationship you’ve ever had, but you can’t make her stay with you.
It’s why a lot of high school relationships don’t work out. Your first couple of years out of high school change who you are so much, and you might not stay attracted to each other. You also haven’t experienced other people. It’s a fact of life. You didn’t do anything wrong, but it’s over. You just have to deal with it and move on.
It’s really infuriating, but not as bad as…
1. If She Doesn’t Get It
I’m going to expose a big secret that all guys harbor, even the ones that act all big and bad: Guys crave physical affection and the security girls provide. That doesn’t mean sex. It just means holding hands, or maybe having your arm around each other. That’s it. When chicks get to the point where they don’t want you touching them, it’s over. Especially when you disgust them.
Why It Didn’t Work:
See reasons 6, 5, 4, 3 and 2.